Life can be rough...

Hey everyone!

So life can suck sometimes and I have been trying my very best to stay positive throughout all of the issues that arise in my life. But alas, it isn't always that simple. I know that God has everything under control and I can count on Him when it comes to anything but remembering that in times of trouble and trials is a hard and challenging task.

I was sitting in church the other night and the sermon was on how some people get stuck in a stage of their life that is tough. And most of the time the reason why they are stuck is because they forget to thank God for the things that they DO have and to thank Him throughout that trial and season of their life. Therefore I have been consciously trying to praise God through the trials and tribulations in my life! Thins may be tough but I have it a lot better than so many people and I have so many blessings to be thankful for!

I want to share this Psalm with you cause it is something that brought me peace and understanding in this time of my life.

"Oh Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy, in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. Do not bring your servant into judgment for no one living is righteous before You. The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground, he makes me dwell in darkness like those long dead. So my spirit glows faint within me, my heart within me is dismayed. Answer me quickly, o Lord, my spirit fails. Do not hide yourself from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my spirit."
Psalm 144:1-4 & 7-8

I hope that if you are reading this then somehow this will also bring you comfort. God is always with us and has a plan for our lives! And He is never closer than when we are struggling and need His help :)

I am thankful for... Family, My dog, Munchkin Land, A Simple Wish, Kylene, Nick, Love, Gods comfort, Peace, Understanding, Theatre, Music, School, my house, time with my entire family and so many more things but I wont list them all!
<3 Kole

My Shield

“Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone – to have a deep soul relationship with another; to be loved thoroughly and exclusively; but God, to a Christian, says:

“No, not until you’re satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone; with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me; to having an intensely personal relationship with me alone; discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me – exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine.

I want you to have the best. Please allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I Am. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. You just wait. That’s all. Don’t be anxious; don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things that others have gotten or that I’ve given them. Don’t look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you’ll miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would ever dream of. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready (for I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied and exclusively with Me and the life I prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and thus the perfect love.

And, dear one, I want you to see, in the flesh, a picture of your everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know that I love you utterly. I AM. Believe it and be satisfied.”
- Author Unknown -

I randomly came across this quote that I found a while ago. I reread it an I thought it deserved to be read by many. I have been struggling with this exactly.. But I know that I need to trust God and be completely in love with him and then HE will decide when or if I am ready to have that one and only true love. It is really hard to be patient and trusting, but I know that He is my shield and why worry or fear when you know He is protecting you? I mean the power that raised Jesus from the dead is the power that is protecting me right now :) What an amazing feeling and thought. I am going to strive every day to fall more in love whith God and to allow Him to work through me in whatever way He chooses.

Thats all for now.
<3

School!!!!

Well it is October 10th now. So we are a couple of weeks into the quarter. It has been a trying quarter already. But i love it and I am so happy to be back in Ellensburg. I have a house now with 2 of my best friends and for the most part that so working out splendidly! I love having my own place. A place to call home and to be a safe haven. I get to choose what i eat and what I do and when I do it and I love it.

My class schedule is so crazy! I am in classes constantly! But they are all amazing, hard, but amazing. I actually had a really great class in my intermediate acting class today and I am very please with the outcome! They are all so emotionally draining though! It is insane!!!

Kylene and i got a job at Munchkin Land Daycare and Preschool! It is so wonderful there! It is perfect for our schedule and it is a christian daycare which makes it even better!

Church is fantastic and I love it so much and I am always inspired by what God chooses for me to learn!

My friend Nick is at Central now and I love him dearly but I never really get to see him even though we are in the same Major. It kinda sucks, but that's life I guess.

I have been trying really hard lately to keep a positive attitude and it works some of the time! God is still working on me in that area.

Something I am struggling with is that it feels like everyone has someone but I don't. Or even if they don't have a significant other, they have someone to be interested in or to talk to all the time and I feel very alone some of the time. But I know God has a plan for my life and He is going to use everything in my life to make me the person He wants me to be. It is just hard sometimes! But i will keep my chin up and n=know that God has everything under control. I just want to fit in sometimes but I know that here on earth is not where I need to fit in. I need to fit into the kingdom of heaven and I will fit in there perfectly. So why should I worry about not being popular or not having everyone want to work with me and be my best friend?
Instead of counting all of the things in my life that aren't exactly as I would like them to be i am going to choose to count the blessings that i do have because God has given me so many it is ridiculous!

Well i think I have bored you all enough.
<3 Nikki

Pondering

Musical theatre has brought my summer back to life :) I am so blessed to get to be apart of 2 shows this summer! I am in the Sound of music and the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee! both of these shows are wonderful and i am so glad i am apart of them! Sound of music opened tonight and it went really well! I am very proud of the cast and the progress they made this past week and the performance that happened this evening! They should be very proud!

My spelling bee cast is sooo much fun I could just scream! They are sooo talented and soooo nice and they always lift my spirits! :) Love them all!

I was pondering this thought this evening... Why are guys afraid of talking to girls sometimes?? well I got an answer from a anonymous source and he said that guys have been shot down by girls so many times that they are now afraid to make a move because they don't want to be let down again. But then my next question was... Why would any girl shoot down a guy for just wanting to have a conversation? I don't understand. He told me that girls have a lot more power over guys than we think we do. So he encouraged me to just be friendly and talk to everyone and all guys and stuff to make it easier on them. But what he doesn't understand is that I don't do stuff like that. I am to shy around people and guys to just randomly go up to someone and start talking to them! I wish I was like that! And Maybe if I was, I would be in a different situation in my love life.
Haha I was just pondering this conversation i had and wondering why it is so hard for guys and why it is so hard for me to get over my fear of just randomly talking to strangers. I guess in a way they are the same thing... I am afraid of getting put down or creating an awkward moment that isn't necessary.

Anyway, those are my thoughts at this moment in time! If you have any thoughts feel free to comment!!!

BTW, I officially move to ellensburg 3 weeks from tomorrow! into my beautiful little cottage!

that's enough for tonight!

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."
Audrey Hepburn

Summer Life

Summer is supposed to be a child's dream vacation. Well it isn't that way for me. I miss school and Ellensburg terribly. I wish I could be there right now. I had a wonderful time in Europe and it was fantastic and I wouldn't trade that experience in for the world but since I have been home I have done nothing at all and I hate it.

I also miss my friends form school. Megan and Kylene mostly. I wish I could just go and spend some time with them, They are the best and I just wanna see them. I know it sounds weird but I didn't know i was going to miss them as much as a do. I mean I have spend like every second of all my days with Kylene for the last 10 months so being away from her just seems very weird.

On a good note I have been cast in 2 shows this summer! This sound of music as a nun and the @5th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee as Logianne SchwartzandGrubeneirr. I am so excited for Spelling Bee!!! Rehearsals start on Monday and it is going to be fantastic. So hopefully that will brighten up my summer a little bit.

And in September Kylene and Megan and I are moving into a cottage for the next school year! It is going to be beautiful and sooo much fun!

I have been feeling very depressed lately and it sucks. I was in a funk for the first bit when I got home from Europe. I didn't want to do anything or see anyone. I just wanted to sit around. But Heidi kicked my butt in gear and said enough is enough and made me start doing things. It frustrated me at first but in the end I knew she was right and I thanked her for that.

So I know this is kinda a boring blog but I just wanted ot update and say what I have been up to.

and I still have no boyfriend or any options... but I know God is in control of it all and He knows exactly what He is doing.

<3

Late Nights

I am sitting here at almost 1am in my sports bra and shorts... Kylene is uploading music onto my ipod after a very fun yet interesting day/night. But I mean could I expect any less when hanging out with Kylene?!!!!?? I was board and decided that i would blog on this wonderful night :) So now you are here reading this wonderful and completely boring and uneventful blog. :P

I have officially decided to always remain young. There is no point in ever really growing up. We grow up when we stop playing. And I never want to stop playing :) But that doesn't mean that I can't be responsible. and I am and will be responsible. But i wanna have fun and be stupid and not be afraid of what other people will think.

So Kylene and I came to the conclusion that the reason why we don't have boyfriends right now is not because we are completely insane, it is cause we need this time to settle into adult??? life and to find ourselves and establish lasting relationships. I know my relationships with my 2 best friends here at school would be completely different if there was a special male in my life. So I am content with my girls right now. they are the best and I am so glad that they are here with me and I am so blessed that God brought them into my life. I mean it isn't every day that you will find 2 girls that will go to Yakima with you on a random night stop the car on the freeway or make chin videos or make stupid music viedos to Ke$ha :) Those 2 girls, kylene and megan, aka Kyleners and Megers, are 2 pretty amazing girls. Even though we talk about all the fun and stupid things we do they are also very smart and great girls who give me amazing advice and they totally have my back! They tell me things before I see them on facebook! They let me cry on their shoulder and they also tell me to suck it up when I should :) SO now I have gone on and on about these 2 special girls so I just want to thank God for them! And I also want to thank God for all of the amazing people who have helped me and have become better friends! I love making new friends!!

anyway....Being crazy is fun and I am going to live in the moment:) thanks you Meisner.. Lol But truly... moment to moment...

This was the first night we 3 hung out together :) And this is how it started :)

And So It Goes

I was sitting in music fundamentals today and the professor hands me a piece of music and it is these lyrics. I have sung this song in the past and it reminded me of my wonderful days in Tacoma Youth Chorus.
These lyrics are so special and I remember the first time I ever heard them I was in tears. They are so Beautiful!!!! So here are the lyrics!

In every heart there is a room, a sanctuary safe and strong. To heal the wounds from lovers past, until a new one comes along. I spoke to you in cautious tones; you answered me with no pretense. And still I feel I said to much. My silence is my self defense. And every time I've held a rose it seems I've only felt the thorns. And so it goes, and so it goes, and so will you soon I suppose. But if my silence made you leave, then that would be my worst mistake. So I will share this room with you. And you can have this heart to break. And this is why my eyes are closed it's just as well for all I've seen. And so it goes, and so it goes and you're the only one who knows. So I would choose to be with you. That's if the choice were mine to make. But you can make decisions too. And you can have this heart to break. And so it goes, and so it goes, and you're the only one who knows.

I feel like this song says a lot about me. I know that I have been hurt in the past and yes mostly by a certain guy that wont be named and it took me a long time to get over it. (To heal the wounds form lovers past, until a new one comes along). I have let go of my past and am looking to the future and I know that God has amazing things in store for my life! I am loving it here at Central in the Musical Theatre department and yes I want to follow my goals and dreams for my life. But I also want someone to share my life with. Someone who will be there for me when I most need them. Someone to hold me when I cry cause I didn't get the part I wanted or someone to just be anywhere with. I know I am only 18 almost 19 and I am still so young to be thinking about this. But the truth is.... when are we old enough to start thinking about this??? Who can tell us when we are ready to love and find that special someone??? The world certainly can't to do that! The only one who can is God! God can guide our lives anywhere we choose to go!

But even though I want to find that special person, I am terrified. My past has given me a terrible fear of having my heart broken. So when I start to like someone I often have the tendency to shy away and get quiet cause I am afraid of liking them and I am afraid that they might actually like me back. Whenever God decides to bring this person to me He knows that this person will have to be patient while he breaks down my walls. 
But I know that when the right person does come along I wont have to be afraid cause God will work it all out for the best! Even if that means that I get my heart broken again.

I am sorry that I have written so much but i just felt inspired!

"Cast all your cares on Him, cause He cares for you!" Philippians 4:6
<3 Nikki

My inspiration

"For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace." Romans 6:14 NIV
"After all, you're not living under that old tyranny any longer. You're living in the freedom of God." Romans 6:14 The Message

After doing my Bible study this morning I was inspired to share what I discovered. Some people may ask the question of "God has forgiven every sin so why do we need to not sin??" Well in a way that is true. God has covered our every sin. We don't want sin to have a say in the choices we make from day to day. We need to throw ourselves into Gods word and to try and learn more about Him. And we need to ask him for help in everything. But we should want to live in a way that is pleasing to him! We don't want to take God for granted and use him. He loves us and he wants us to strive to be more like him every day. He wants us to talk to him just like we would talk to our friends. He wants us to confide in him and trust in him with our every issue and problem or every joy and happiness! True happiness comes from the Lord. Circumstances don't dictate our happiness... We could be having the worst day and everything could be going wrong.... but we could still be "happy".

Also a friend of mine was having a rough night... so some of us sat there and we just read the Bible. It gave all of us unconditional comfort. God knew exactly what we needed and He was there to supply that need. In that same way God will be there to supply my every need whenever I need Him, which is all of the time :). All we have to do is pray and ask God for His will in our lives and then He will help us through any difficult time. Whether it is heartbreak, or abuse, or temptation or anything that you can think of. God is there for you!

If you are reading this... thanks for reading my thoughts :)

<3 Nikki